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fh_fic2005-10-23 12:05 am
kawalsky.livejournal.com) wrote in fh_fic2005-10-23 12:05 am
Entry tags:
The Adventures of Major K! and Camboy (Part 1)
Title: The Adventures of Major K! and Camboy (Part 1 of ??)
Rating: G for Groovy!
Characters: Charlie Kawalsky (Major K!) and Cameron Mitchell (Camboy) with guest appearances by Evil Ash and Professor Ted
Summary: Years after leaving Fandom High's fine halls, two superheroes are still fighting the good fight, eating the good cheese and metaphoring where no superhero has metaphored before.
Notes: Co-written on a whim with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cameronmitchell.
CRASH. Major K! was thrown across the room and landed square on the table. It shattered under his weight. He caught his breath and scrambled to his feet, looking up through his mask with a menacing glare. "I wouldn't recommend doing that again." The doors burst open and, with the wind that came in from outside, his cape flapped backwards making him look even more menacing. "You know what you are? You're a criminal. You're a villain. Villains are the.." He stopped. "They're the.." Major K! looked over at where Camboy was fighting off the villain's sidekick. "Yo, Camboy! What's a good villain metaphor?"
"The gum that sticks to your boots and you wipe off with the coin of justice before throwing it into the garbage can of oblivion!" Cameron supplied helpfully. The metaphor distracted him from his sidekick duties and the evil sidekick knocked him around the ears.
"Thanks!" he called, and then turned back to the main villain. "Villains are the gum that sticks to your boots and you wipe off.." He tried to remember the rest, but couldn't. Instead, he pointed to Camboy. "What he said! It means you suck and I'm gonna kick your ass."
Evil Ash laughed maniacally in response, his chin power overwhelming. "My knitting plans will not be thwarted!"
Camboy's ears were still ringing from the knock, but he would not be stopped either. He launched forward and disappeared into a cloud of dust as he and evil Ash's sidekick rolled around in a vicious fight over the knitting needles.
"Oh yes they will!" Major K! declared emphatically.
"Oh no they won't!"
"Will!"
"Won't!"
"Will!"
"Won't!"
"Villain!"
"Girl."
"Hey man, now that's just uncalled for. I'm clearly a guy, I've got the rubber piece on my uniform that shows I've got a bulging crotch and I'm obviously a manly man. If you're gonna throw names around.." Major K! didn't have a chance to finish his sentence. Evil Ash lunged for him, but was unsuccessful in attacking his prey. Major K! stepped aside, leaving Evil Ash to tumble unceremoniously into a convenient plot hole (rather like a black hole, only plottier and less sucky) that had formed where the table debris once was. "Camboy, quick! A plot hole! We can throw the sidekick through as well!"
Ash's sidekick was biting in Camboy's ankle by now, but that was convenient. Pulling himself forward, he tried to make for the plot hole. The sidekick was determined though, and he made Camboy crash down.
"You will follow your super villain!" Camboy shouted out courageously as he crawled to the plot hole. With all his strength, he flung the sidekick inside the hole.
The last words heard from Ash's sidekick would ego for eternity, "In media res suuuuuuucks!"
Major K! waved at Evil Ash's sidekick, then turned and offered a gloved hand to Camboy to help him up. "Good job, Camboy. Another one bites the dust. Or the plot hole. Whatever. We should get the civilians evac'ed before the plot hole sucks them all in. That's the third one this month. Something has to be causing them. And somehow, I think it has to do with one of our old classmates." His conclusion wasn't superhero's intuition or anything remotely snazzy. It just seemed like every bad guy in the area had graduated from Fandom High.
"That school was both a blessing and a curse," Camboy accepted Major K!'s help up. "But there is no time to dwell now. We must save the ducks and ducklings from a certain plot hole death. You must lead them, Major K! They will only follow you."
Nodding at his sidekick's sage advice, Major K! turned to the patrons of the bar. "Civilians! Listen up. This place is going to become a plot hole of doom in about ten minutes. That means everyone out unless you want to be a plot hole pancake! Or a plot hole waffle, if you end up getting squished against that grilled wall over there." The superhero and the sidekick herded the civilians out of the bar. They waited as the entire building was sucked into the plot hole. "This has to stop, Camboy," Major K! said while looking pensive and concerned and maybe a little constipated as only a superhero can do. "We have to find out what's causing these plot holes. They have to stop before someone gets hurt." He stopped, frowned and turned away. "Before someone *else* gets hurt."
Camboy looked up in admiration at Major K!'s burliness. It suited him so well, especially when he got that constipated look that made Major K! the superhero and him the sidekick. "We must stop this, nothing is worse than these plot holes. Even detention under Crazy Squid Lady at Fandom High would be heaven compared to the plotlines of these holes."
The hole was expanding fast by now and Camboy watched how its edges closed in to two slower moving civilian ducklings. "Oh noes, Major K! They will be sucked in!"
Using his super K! lasso, Major K! roped in the civilians and dragged them away just in the nick of time! "When I said get out of town, I meant it! Now go!" He released them and the civilians ran away. Major K! turned to his trusted sidekick. "Camboy, we need baking soda. Baking soda is the only thing that can contain these holes." He flipped open his radio and went to speak into it, but he was interrupted by the sound of a ship coming in.
"Dudes!"
Major K! and Camboy looked up to see Professor Ted Logan hanging from a harness attached to a phone booth that was hanging from a rather futuristic-looking space ship. In one hand he had a megaphone and in the other he had a remote control with only one big red (of course) button.
"Look, Camboy! It's Professor Ted. He's come to our aid again!" Good ol' Professor Ted.
"Dudes!" Ted said into the megaphone. "Once this is done, make sure you call me and tell me to bring some baking soda to this time and this place, otherwise I won't, and I wouldn't be here, and it'd totally mess with the timeline, okay? Okay. Excellent!" He dropped the bag of baking soda into the plot hole. It sizzled, became very small very fast and collapsed in on itself.
"Thank you, Professor Ted!"
"No problem! Be excellent to each other.. and party on dudes!" He, the spaceship and the phone booth disappeared in a flash, leaving only an empty space and two weary superheroes.
The town was saved.. but would the galaxy survive with the ever-increasing number of plot holes appearing everywhere? Major K! and Camboy knew they could not let the matter rest. They were superheroes and saving galaxies from things that weren't supposed to exist was their job.. except on Tuesdays, when they sold cookies door-to-door. No, they could not leave this alone. They had to find the source of these plot holes and put it to a stop.
"Come, Camboy. We need to see the Oracle."
Here endeth Part One.
Rating: G for Groovy!
Characters: Charlie Kawalsky (Major K!) and Cameron Mitchell (Camboy) with guest appearances by Evil Ash and Professor Ted
Summary: Years after leaving Fandom High's fine halls, two superheroes are still fighting the good fight, eating the good cheese and metaphoring where no superhero has metaphored before.
Notes: Co-written on a whim with
cameronmitchell.CRASH. Major K! was thrown across the room and landed square on the table. It shattered under his weight. He caught his breath and scrambled to his feet, looking up through his mask with a menacing glare. "I wouldn't recommend doing that again." The doors burst open and, with the wind that came in from outside, his cape flapped backwards making him look even more menacing. "You know what you are? You're a criminal. You're a villain. Villains are the.." He stopped. "They're the.." Major K! looked over at where Camboy was fighting off the villain's sidekick. "Yo, Camboy! What's a good villain metaphor?"
"The gum that sticks to your boots and you wipe off with the coin of justice before throwing it into the garbage can of oblivion!" Cameron supplied helpfully. The metaphor distracted him from his sidekick duties and the evil sidekick knocked him around the ears.
"Thanks!" he called, and then turned back to the main villain. "Villains are the gum that sticks to your boots and you wipe off.." He tried to remember the rest, but couldn't. Instead, he pointed to Camboy. "What he said! It means you suck and I'm gonna kick your ass."
Evil Ash laughed maniacally in response, his chin power overwhelming. "My knitting plans will not be thwarted!"
Camboy's ears were still ringing from the knock, but he would not be stopped either. He launched forward and disappeared into a cloud of dust as he and evil Ash's sidekick rolled around in a vicious fight over the knitting needles.
"Oh yes they will!" Major K! declared emphatically.
"Oh no they won't!"
"Will!"
"Won't!"
"Will!"
"Won't!"
"Villain!"
"Girl."
"Hey man, now that's just uncalled for. I'm clearly a guy, I've got the rubber piece on my uniform that shows I've got a bulging crotch and I'm obviously a manly man. If you're gonna throw names around.." Major K! didn't have a chance to finish his sentence. Evil Ash lunged for him, but was unsuccessful in attacking his prey. Major K! stepped aside, leaving Evil Ash to tumble unceremoniously into a convenient plot hole (rather like a black hole, only plottier and less sucky) that had formed where the table debris once was. "Camboy, quick! A plot hole! We can throw the sidekick through as well!"
Ash's sidekick was biting in Camboy's ankle by now, but that was convenient. Pulling himself forward, he tried to make for the plot hole. The sidekick was determined though, and he made Camboy crash down.
"You will follow your super villain!" Camboy shouted out courageously as he crawled to the plot hole. With all his strength, he flung the sidekick inside the hole.
The last words heard from Ash's sidekick would ego for eternity, "In media res suuuuuuucks!"
Major K! waved at Evil Ash's sidekick, then turned and offered a gloved hand to Camboy to help him up. "Good job, Camboy. Another one bites the dust. Or the plot hole. Whatever. We should get the civilians evac'ed before the plot hole sucks them all in. That's the third one this month. Something has to be causing them. And somehow, I think it has to do with one of our old classmates." His conclusion wasn't superhero's intuition or anything remotely snazzy. It just seemed like every bad guy in the area had graduated from Fandom High.
"That school was both a blessing and a curse," Camboy accepted Major K!'s help up. "But there is no time to dwell now. We must save the ducks and ducklings from a certain plot hole death. You must lead them, Major K! They will only follow you."
Nodding at his sidekick's sage advice, Major K! turned to the patrons of the bar. "Civilians! Listen up. This place is going to become a plot hole of doom in about ten minutes. That means everyone out unless you want to be a plot hole pancake! Or a plot hole waffle, if you end up getting squished against that grilled wall over there." The superhero and the sidekick herded the civilians out of the bar. They waited as the entire building was sucked into the plot hole. "This has to stop, Camboy," Major K! said while looking pensive and concerned and maybe a little constipated as only a superhero can do. "We have to find out what's causing these plot holes. They have to stop before someone gets hurt." He stopped, frowned and turned away. "Before someone *else* gets hurt."
Camboy looked up in admiration at Major K!'s burliness. It suited him so well, especially when he got that constipated look that made Major K! the superhero and him the sidekick. "We must stop this, nothing is worse than these plot holes. Even detention under Crazy Squid Lady at Fandom High would be heaven compared to the plotlines of these holes."
The hole was expanding fast by now and Camboy watched how its edges closed in to two slower moving civilian ducklings. "Oh noes, Major K! They will be sucked in!"
Using his super K! lasso, Major K! roped in the civilians and dragged them away just in the nick of time! "When I said get out of town, I meant it! Now go!" He released them and the civilians ran away. Major K! turned to his trusted sidekick. "Camboy, we need baking soda. Baking soda is the only thing that can contain these holes." He flipped open his radio and went to speak into it, but he was interrupted by the sound of a ship coming in.
"Dudes!"
Major K! and Camboy looked up to see Professor Ted Logan hanging from a harness attached to a phone booth that was hanging from a rather futuristic-looking space ship. In one hand he had a megaphone and in the other he had a remote control with only one big red (of course) button.
"Look, Camboy! It's Professor Ted. He's come to our aid again!" Good ol' Professor Ted.
"Dudes!" Ted said into the megaphone. "Once this is done, make sure you call me and tell me to bring some baking soda to this time and this place, otherwise I won't, and I wouldn't be here, and it'd totally mess with the timeline, okay? Okay. Excellent!" He dropped the bag of baking soda into the plot hole. It sizzled, became very small very fast and collapsed in on itself.
"Thank you, Professor Ted!"
"No problem! Be excellent to each other.. and party on dudes!" He, the spaceship and the phone booth disappeared in a flash, leaving only an empty space and two weary superheroes.
The town was saved.. but would the galaxy survive with the ever-increasing number of plot holes appearing everywhere? Major K! and Camboy knew they could not let the matter rest. They were superheroes and saving galaxies from things that weren't supposed to exist was their job.. except on Tuesdays, when they sold cookies door-to-door. No, they could not leave this alone. They had to find the source of these plot holes and put it to a stop.
"Come, Camboy. We need to see the Oracle."
Here endeth Part One.
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Dude...that's just...beautiful man. It needs to be bronzed and kept for eternity. Metaphors, plot holes, chin power, capes! Whoo!
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I found this especially funny for some reasons, just the idea of super heros selling cookies and in costume (well they are in my head anyway!)
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Can't wait for part two!!
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The last words heard from Ash's sidekick would ego for eternity, "In media res suuuuuuucks!"
dies! over, and over again...
Hmmm... maybe that's why Vala can go missing? Ded from fic?... hmmm...
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You do realise that you're doomed to show up in this series too? *g*
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